I'm sorry for being formal. I figured since this is an open letter, I would stick to your first name which still sounds nice every time I say it. It's just one of the many things that make you inevitably awesome.
You know this will happen eventually- writing a post about you. Whenever we hang out, there were a few times when I brought my previous blog up which, more often than not, talked about people that are closest to my heart. Your name, for some reason, never came up.
It's never because I didn't care about you, but maybe you were the only one I don't have to brag as a best friend; you never really needed any introduction when you flash your humblest smile, telling everyone that you're this nice young guy with a maturity that is more than his age. I also had this feeling that you & I will never drift apart until we grow old together with our own families, & more people will know your name & your incredible future anyway. Hence, I was completely sold to the idea that you will always be around more than my blog.
Sadly, it was not the case.
It has been 4 years now since we celebrated your birthday with you here, physically. The thought, unknown to everyone, that you will only be here in this world for the next 6 months after that birthday is frightening. It got me thinking how fast life & everything that revolves around it can be taken away from you, especially by bad people. I know death is inevitable to everyone, but it's difficult to process it when you were just 18 years old. You have touched so many lives, including mine, that it would have been better if you've touched more.
I will always remember the morning of October 29, 2011- dead tired & asleep from a difficult graveyard shift when my little sister woke me up to say that her kuya Lee passed away. For a second I thought it was the most horrifying joke she could come up with, it got me furious it was the first time I wanted to slap her as she doesn't joke like that. Her tears never stopped, however, so I quickly grabbed my phone & looked through endless messages & notifications that my best friend, who I still think deserves to live longer that I do, is gone.
Still in denial, I attempted to reach you through your number. A woman's voice answered & I knew it was your mom. "Wala na ang best friend mo. Wala na si Lee natin..." is what she told me as I broke down. I needed to comfort her, but it went the other way around. I was never good in comforting people. You were good in that department.
There were flashbacks, Lee, about the two of us- do you remember the time we cried cause I told you about my family's plan to migrate to a different country? It's quite funny if I picture us now, but it was real. You told me that we're only going to spend a couple more months hanging out before I leave. The plan was thwarted, but it made us realize how things could always change right away. Today, I at 25 & you at 22 hanging out in my apartment, trying to get me out of it by forcing me to watch a movie or spend time at your favorite Starbucks joint is just put into a box of events that could & will never possibly happen.
I felt empty; between the two of us, we both know that you're the one whose primary plans will succeed. I'm not saying I don't value my life, because you have been optimistic about my future, but I just thought it would be nice to see you flying planes & tagging me along with your adventures. I know you're happiest there in Heaven, but I just thought we could've done more things together. You actually ended things with a cliffhanger, as evidenced by your last statement & text message from our last Starbucks session together- "Babawi ako sa'yo."
Now that I think about it, you have been making it up to me. It sounds crazy, but I know that there were situations when I was in danger & God was able to keep me safe, but I know you somehow helped. I can also see your brothers & sisters going through changes that may be difficult, but you just make them all easy & enjoyable even. There's this added level of security that you still look after us, & that makes me happy. In that sense, I know nakabawi ka na.
Your dream was to fly. Now you are our angel.
I know I will never get any replies when I message you on Facebook- the last time was days ago when I greeted you a happy birthday. But I know you always read them & I know in the future, we'll have eternity to hang out once my life here on Earth is over. I just wanted to let you know that the person I am now & the good things I'm doing are somewhat impacted by your entity.
It's comforting to know, at the end of this journey, that you are one of the people who will welcome me to eternal life. For that I am grateful.
I hope this letter makes you smile. Here's to your incredible life on Earth.
Love,
Aldrinne
Your Childhood Best Friend
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